I felt it as I gently nodded off.
So real, my screams of panic and terror muted by the overwhelming silence of loneliness, failure and disappointment.
Nobody cared anyway, so why should they now?
I was naive to think that even though I felt the pressure on my skin… my face… my chest compressed as my head felt as though it was going to explode into a million parts. My innocent nature wasn’t prepared for this brief nightmare, stretching my mind deep into my pillow, leaving the rest of my physical body to the vultures.
How foolish of me to operate like all systems go after nearly suffocating in the sadness of my past few years.
I know now that the nightmare that likely only lasted 12 seconds was an eternity of unaddressed trauma.
Time to wake up.
So, ironically enough I’m on my phone at 10:51 pm talking to you about how to sleep better… 😝🙄
Here are a few sleep aide supplements for those of you who would like a little more help alongside the sleep ritual. Always contact your trusted health practitioner first before taking any of these and of course use only as directed. Don’t take these with depressants or if you’re on meds or anything… please use common sense. These are meant for sleep deprived humans that are still struggling with sleep rituals. Stay on track and pay attention to week and weekend sleep patterns. You’ll do amazing things with proper zzzs. Just wanna give a big thanks to precision nutrition for the graphic and wisdom.
The cold, dead air softens the blow of what would be my pounding heart, as I climb to summit the icey beast of Renfrew park.
That thing, my heart.
Wanting out of the cage. Like Dar and I. Out and alive.
It’s my space now,
And with Darwin keeping pace, we truck 3 laps against the frosty December morning. I feel invincible.
Victorious in a sense that we were out there.
This is the run.
Okay, I may have adjusted the original plan but that just goes to show what life can throw at you. The original plan was set out last Monday as a 7-day green detox. However, I knew that my weekend had events that I wouldn’t want to escape some of the forbidden nutrition (beer, popcorn..etc) so I decided I would commit to 5 full days and 2 “halfsies” yesterday and today.
My results from full detox are as follows:
Starting weight: 197lbs
Starting body composition: 14% body fat
Starting waist measurement: 101cm
Ending weight: 194lbs
Ending body composition: 12.3% body fat
Ending waist measurement: 97cm
Results over 5 days
Body composition: -1.7%
Pretty radical changes and really all it took was being more mindful about the fuel I consumed. Nothing else change. Two resistance sessions, 1 sprint session, 1 longer aerobic based ride. I felt great through the whole thing and it will be easier to keep the inflammatory foods I had to pass on through the week, out of my diet consistently.
Goes to show that with a little bit of effort and discipline you can achieve the physique type results you want through adequate attention to what you’re eating.
Woo! Happy Sunday! Go get it, team!
Ps. Click here if you want tips on surviving the rock star lifestyle delivered right to your mailbox
As it stands, I was only finishing up my first Finale about this time last year.. ready to head into my first full off-season of speed skating. I had no idea what I was in for. I was met with the most ruthless training I’d endured to date. Hard to believe that I’m just trying to get back into the swing of my own personal fitness only one year later. It’s an all or nothing type of approach and to my knowledge, this trend is very popular in the competitive athletic community. You just give so much for so long that it’s really all that you know to do, sad as it is. But when you’re cut short and told you cannot compete any more, you abandon the one thing you gave so much to for so long. That was my relationship with skating. Thankfully I didn’t go off the deep end…
I fear a lot more athletes go deep into the dark side of depression and I’m glad to have had the opportunity to take in a bit of therapy in a preventative sense to refocus and re-align and not pigeon-hole myself in a label as “Mike the speed skater”. I really consciously had to think of myself as Mike, just a guy who also enjoys to skate. Just like he also enjoys pizza, his dog Darwin, friends and family, watching hockey and playing drums. This was therapeutic. Especially after all of the generated hype and self-generated pressure to perform as the completely unknown, dark horse in a sport I was quite frankly brand new to.
I was able to redefine myself with a few very timely sources and friends, angels really… that helped me land on my feet without even knowing their importance in my life at the time. I am currently compiling the rest of my material to publish my first book, titled “The Economic Mindset” set to release before 2017 with any luck and I have been fortunate enough to land in an incredible rock band, The Sweets to which I feel as though I owe my sense of stability and composure to. Music is a safe-haven for me. Always has been, even when I was separated from it. I didn’t sell all of my gear for a reason. I kew I would be back. And thank “God”, or whatever non-denominational source of inspiration you may have to thank. We have twelve more days before the biggest opportunity and the raddest stage we’ve played together as a group. And I couldn’t be more excited.
Come show your support if you’re in the Calgary, Alberta area April 2, 2016 for JUNOfest
Tickets can be purchased here!
You can catch me doin’ what I do, acting like a fool behind the drums for The Sweets alongside my dear friends, Mitch, Claudia and Kevin. This is where I belong. Twelve and counting….
if you take anything away from this read, know that I am a firm believer in laying it out there for all to see.
I have two bits, quick bits but important pieces that stuck with me over the past two days. The first, was my favourite show Departures on Netflix. For a quick synopsis on the show, it’s a couple of Canadian dudes that travel the world and live life to its fullest, immersing themselves in entirely uncomfortable situations and brand new cultures and lifestyles. It’s an amazing theory and they document the whole thing along the way…incredible show. Anyways, the one guy Scott – terrified of Bungee jumping finds himself at the top of the 3rd highest Bungee jump in the world in New Zealand. He does it. It’s crazy, and he hated every moment leading up to it but the reward he felt after getting over one of his biggest fears was indescribable.
Parallel story. I’ve only been taught a few methods all my life being in the high performance athlete state of mind. My world was blown open at first when I acquired my Holistic Lifestyle Coching Certification back in 2012, and now again after a MELT workshop I took in just yesterday.
MELT is myofascial tissue manipulation, the theory being fascial tissue cannot be stretched or strengthened, only hydrated and dehydrated and often times we are subject to dehydrated fascial tissue leading to injury. Especially in athletes (we beat the eff out of our body’s with little to no regard for proper recovery). In any case, the gentle approach to fascial care was not something I had ever experienced, but the reward I felt afterwards changed my thinking on some theory of foam rolling and fascial care I will have to adjust for my own training and that of the fine folks I take care of.
Moral of the story? I would never have grown had I not stepped off the ledge in trust.
My first ride ever – 70km or about 44 miles. Not bad at all. Here’s the experience. Next time I’ll GoPro it.
Wake up 7:45 breakfast (cottage cheese, greek yogurt, chia seeds, müsli and pineapple)
8:30 – 9 bike up to Market mall to meet with Jessica and Isabelle.
9:30 – meet at Edworthy Park with the rest of Team Kitura: Donnie, Bob and Kaylin!
9:45 – start the ascent out of Edworthy up towards Coach Hill!
10 – 12:30 ride out and complete the Springbank Airport Loop
So after I got back, I immediately filled the tub and hopped into what was the most satisfying icebath I’ve ever had. While the tub was filling up, I had a few crackers with almond butter and some marzipan on the side. So tasty.
After the 20′ of death in the tub, I laid down to a few episodes of Departures and a couscous-veggie Tuna bowl and peppermint herbal tea. After I shook the hypothermia, I finally napped a couple hours and feel refreshed right now.
Holy balls guys, 70km – Easy ride. What a time! This offseason is going to be a blast.