The Difference Between Proving A Point and Proving You Don’t Respect Yourself

Have you ever come across someone that just doesn’t get it? Someone who feels as if they lose an argument or fail to prove a point they run the risk of looking powerless in front of their peers? Have you ever had a disagreement with someone so insecure that they stormed off from the room because they simply couldn’t hear someone tell them to consider another view, another perspective or someone else’s feelings but their own?

I have. It was one of the most emotionally draining last 6 weeks of my life. Why am I ranting about this now? Well, I hope to give you some foresight when you consider who you’re hanging out with. I have come to the conclusion this at one-time friend of mine just didn’t respect herself. And while we don’t need to discuss the details, half because it’s not-relevant, half because it’s really depressing to think that they’re people out there that think this kind of behaviour is okay… just know that ignorant, malicious and absolutely tactless actions do not sit well with me. No, no – I have a moral compass that’s on track and I do not associate with those that aren’t on the same path as me. Not from an elitist standpoint or anything, just because I don’t want that kind of negative energy around me, my dog and my flow… you know?

So I’ve created a quick checklist that now in hindsight, I will use when considering if this human being is worthy of my time, energy and general care. Yes, I am encouraging you to be picky with who you are around. Why? So you don’t get used, abused and thrown to the wolves. I’m going to give you a two-steps ahead approach to identifying a human being that doesn’t respect themselves…

  1. Can They Live? – When considering  human beings you want to be around make sure you can have a sober conversation with them. And that you can get along with them when they’re sober. Do this before you put yourself into situations such as I did. Like living with them. Or you’ll find that when they’re not high or drunk, their socially awkward tendencies show full-bore. It’s not pretty. And it’ll make you depressed.
  2. Watch How They Interact With Others – Early on when you’re getting to know a particular human being you may want to hang out with more often, pay attention to how they react to people in need, eccentric/socially awkward people, persons with handicaps or hell even visible minorities. You won’t even have to have a conversation about it which will make things really easy on you. Would you hang out with a human being that publicly makes fun and tries to draw more attention to someone that”doesn’t fit in” with the trendy clothes or is a little hard up for money? Do you stand up or down to bullies? Because that’s all this insecure piece of work is…
  3. Listen To How They Describe Things (Especially Their Accomplishments) – Do they say “we”, “our” and “us” or does it sound a little more like “I”, “me” and “everyone else”. The human being that repeatedly uses the latter is kind of like a rabid, cornered wild dog. You may upset this dog with words and phrases such as “cooperation”, “teamwork” and “division of labour” (or just “labour” in most cases). The human being that takes credit where credit isn’t due or doesn’t give credit where credit is due is the same person that just doesn’t get it. Doesn’t understand the all for one, one for all approach that has proven t’s worth time and time again in any relationship. Please remove yourself from association with these types of human beings. They will never have your back.
  4. Do They Love Themselves? – Well now you’re going to be all like “Mike, WTF?” I mean it, you want a human being that genuinely loves themselves. Why? Well, until they love themselves they’ll struggle to love another person. So unless you plan on being trampled and used for years on years (like I did in a few other relationships that are now fortunately cut forever…) I’d suggest you identify things like their lifestyle patterns (like nutrition, exercise, meditation/self-work), they’re stance on volunteering, faith and charity, and if whether or not they are a Blue Jays fan. These things are all roots (Okay, maybe not the Jays…) that are engrained into how they’ll carry out actions down the road. If you don’t line up in the root of the problem, you’ll continually have disagreements on silly things. Well, they’re not silly – but they’re symptoms of the deeper issue. (ex. Human being doesn’t recycle old boxes, used cans or bottles or donate unwanted, used clothes… would rather just throw it out and be done with the hassle. Human being doesn’t just hate the environment and have no sympathy for the less fortunate, no no… this human being is just plain ungrateful. Likely because this person has rarely had to earn anything if their life. It’s worth noting that this person is also probably NOT a Jay’s fan.)

I think these are 4 pretty solid determining factors of whether or not you should carry on with a relationship of any sort with the human being in subject. I truly believe that a person that fails this type of general assessment really just doesn’t respect themselves. And I’ll be the first to say that if that person doesn’t respect themselves, they’ll likely care less about all other the other people around them. Especially when those people no longer serve them any good…. If  you care to add some insight, please do! I’m interested to hear what others think about finding people around them and choosing the right people to surround themselves with.

Remember, you don’t have to be a rock star to start, but you have to start in order to become a rock star. Stay sweet, kids.

Coach

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