For being such a successful guy, I’m really failing right now.
A lot has gone on in the last little while and that’s no excuse. We talk about professionals keeping consistent regardless of circumstance, and that I have not upheld in certain areas of my life.
We’ll talk about relationships a little bit tonight.
As a competing athlete it can be very hard to uphold commitments with anyone. I’m not even at that level, but I did just finish a goal setting session for my coach, Jeff. I reflected in warm up tonight about where I really want this to go. I concluded that I’m openly ready for and fully expecting the next level of my training to kick in. More hours, more time, more costs, more taxation on life in general. There will need to be certain areas of life that will take a hit. I’m okay with that. Work, career, social life….. That can all be set on pause. This dream to skate for Canada is one big, long hairy 4 year shot. And even then, I’m the dark horse.
What I am not pleased with myself about is how I have recently treated dear friends. I know my life has been flipped upside down, but so do these folks. Get over it, me. You’ve had your grieving time and start being a friend of reciprocal value. Otherwise, you is going to be there when you do hit that new Personal Best? Who the eff is going to care? No one, because all along the way you’ve made it all about you. Relationships, friendships, partnerships… every thing. It’ boils down to a give and take. Much like amount of effort put into the training on ice, into dry land, into therapy, a relationship’s equity bank is very much input = output. Sadly I’ve almost lost a few folks because of these blinders up and selfish attitude.
As per part of my goal setting, I’m very open about my intentions. I feel it’s only fair that those that follow this story, get updated on where I’m at so they can make an educated decision on whether or not they’ll continue to believe in the whole thing.
That said, here’s what I’m going to commit to in my athletics for the balance of the year. (Straight out of my email follow up with Jeff)
My goals for this season (to reiterate our brief chat today en route to your home) is pretty simple
1. Continue to race as much as possible. How does one get better at skating fast? Skate fast.
2. Continue to train upwards of 18 hours/week, or whatever you feel is best to actually get me like 10″ faster. As realistically and quickly as possible.
3. Prioritize skating above all. I’m free from any other commitments. My focus is on this sport. Everything else in life can wait, but this story is very real to me. If you believe in me you’re coming along for the ride.
I have full intention of spending the necessary time, money and effort on getting to the level I need to be – but I’m looking to you to provide realism. I personally feel that my limits are that I can’t train enough. So tell me what I actually need to do and I will make that happen in my schedule. I want to be doing this full time or as close as bloody possible so I can stand a chance next season in qualifying for bigger and better things. Is that fair?
As for personal goals, now that I’m self defined “unmarried”-
1. I’d like to build the relationships with the true friends in my circle that stuck things out even through the neglect I had shown them over the course of 5 years – the balance of my relationship with my ex. Thank you for your patience, I’m back now.
2. Continuing down the relationships thing.. I think most of you know that I have taken interest in someone that genuinely brings happiness to each day and every time I get to be around or even so much as snapchat with her. We have fun. Fun. That’s what I was missing. Freedom and fun. Like I said, I’m in a weird place but these two things make me smile and I really like being around someone that just makes things fun, exciting and allows me to be myself. 🙂
3. I need to reciprocate my amazing friends’ qualities better and stop making things about me. I am committed to being the man that earned me the trust of these fine folks in the first place. I wouldn’t be around without them. I cannot let that slip anymore. I’m better than that.
4. I need a new dentist. My old office just feels stuffy….. 😉
Thanks for reading. MS